Does he open the car door for you to get in and out no matter the time or place?
Does he give you his jacket during a cold night, even though you were the one who chose to wear inappropriate clothing for the season?
You know, the one where men put a string of acts together to make you think he is worthy of you - a string of acts he will never do again once you're officially a couple. Well I find the whole thing to be an exploration in nonsense; whether it's on a first date or after 10 years of marriage.
Why is pulling a chair out in a restaurant for the lady to sit on gentlemanly?
Is she a baby who can't do it herself? But I hear the retort from the romantics ...oh but this adds to the romance, it's part of the courtesy, the courtship - really? Because I swear she'll only adjust the seat to how she really wants it - right after he's finished Heimliching her against the table edge.
"I'm not going to robotically compliment a date unless I'm in a moment where I feel too. And furthermore what is the importance of me confirming I find you attractive after I've asked you out in the first place?"
These chivalrous acts are forms of sexism, they are I tell you! Some patronising off-shoot that says the fairer sex is so weak and dainty that they need special consideration all the time. And before you jump down my throat about this view, saying that they are just nice things to do for your partner/date, ask yourself what these gestures really mean, especially if they are not coming from a man's natural inclination to perform. I asked those particular questions at the beginning of the blog because truth be told; nobody is doing these things in the privacy of their own home...so what are we talking about here? A collection of social displays for other people to see, but blud, I'm not trying to impress strangers. I'm not going to robotically compliment a date unless I'm in a moment where I feel too. And furthermore what is the importance of me confirming I find you attractive after I've asked you out in the first place?
Do you have some psychological need to have to know you look good to me or just look good period. Why don't you tell me I'm attractive damn it!
The real displays of 'like' and affection can't often be analysed and substantiated by systematically following a list of 'decent actions' that is how you trick someone. And even in my personal truth where admittedly I do some of this stuff, it comes about as a natural act of kindness, if it's seemingly needed or (drum roll) makes sense at the time. But nothing will ever beat a spontaneous gesture of kindness, it is the difference between buying flowers for a partner's birthday and buying flowers for no occasion simply because you were feeling love for them and wanted to express that.
Another Man's View On Chivalry