Making a list was not intentional. I mean, it's not exactly something that men tend to do. But if you're relationships aren't going the distance, then by someway of a natural process of elimination, you start to discover what it is you truly need from a partner...as well as what you don't. Here are 10 of my/our most desired attributes.
Before Making Your List
Before sitting down to consider what you need (note I said need not want) we must always look at ourselves first. Oh yes, an HONEST self-examination is a must. I like to look at this process of self-consultation, as a debriefing tool that will serve to inform my new attempts at love. I ask myself many, many questions, such as: What went wrong the last time? What factors led to the break? How can I do things differently? What type of woman would I be in agreement with? You don't actually have to have definitive answers. What you are trying to develop, is a sense of awareness about yourself, that should hopefully seep into your everyday consciousness. In turn, this should improve the decisions that you make in your real life interactions. We have all come across people that we found instantly attractive, but we need to train ourselves to say 'we don't match' when we clearly don't. Admittedly, there is no exact formula to all this and sometimes we do need to be a bit more flexible, but we should at the very least, begin to recognise our self-sabotaging patterns and delete them from our matrix. A very young man, may initially come out with foolishness like 'she has to have big boobs' on their list, but after you have sampled that and done some growing up, you will quickly find out, that big boobs are not conducive to the survival of any relationship, but the following probably are...
1. The 'Us' Principle
To think about your partner and yourself as one, is a state of mind that some can slide into naturally. Others have to make a concerted effort to switch into this mode, finding it quite problematic. When you have been single for a long time and you are use to doing what you want, when you want, without having to confer or answer to anyone, this new way of thinking can be hard to adopt. But in order for a union to survive, many personal decisions, decisions that are only about you, have to still factor-in your current relationship status. For example, a new opportunity arises at work and it could offer you a new and better life. It would seem like the obvious road to take, right? But being that the job would see you significantly relocate, what impact will it have on your relationship? Ultimately, do you think about your partner and yourself as a unit or being separate? Big decisions that change your lifestyle cannot be made in isolation of your partner.
2. I Don't Drink But...
I don't expect my partner to be a tea total just because I don't drink and though it would be preferable, it's not a deal breaker. So why is this even a factor? Because for some people, alcohol is a superpower serum that allows their true character to come out. I am not looking for someone who is wearing a mask and one so tight, that in order to pull it off and show me the real them, they have to consume alcohol or any other drug.
3. No Smoking Allowed
Whether it be a cigar, cigarette or weed, they are all deal breakers- I can't stand them and so I don't tolerate them.
4. Must Be Interested In Science Fiction Or Fantasy
It might seem like an oddball request. But in spending a lot of time interacting with these genres for entertainment, you will find that fans of these particular genres, show an open imagination in life, a willingness to explore the unknown and a sense of fun through fantasy. All these things inspire other parts of your life creatively and I want a partner than can bring creativity and reinvention to our relationship.
5. Balancing The Force
We can place too much emphasis on things that are not important. This is not to say that you cannot be heavily into some said thing and not maintain the rest of your life well. But if this thing you're into, outweighs the more practical endeavours in everyday life, then to me there is an imbalance. For example. Let's say you were into nail fashion and everything that surrounds it. For me it makes no sense that you will put time and resources into this, yet you can't cook a single meal or are willing to learn how to. If your nails don't get done or end up in the worst state, your world won't end. But if you skip enough meals, you're going to become ill.
To think about your partner and yourself as one, is a state of mind that some can slide into naturally. Others have to make a concerted effort to switch into this mode, finding it quite problematic. When you have been single for a long time and you are use to doing what you want, when you want, without having to confer or answer to anyone, this new way of thinking can be hard to adopt. But in order for a union to survive, many personal decisions, decisions that are only about you, have to still factor-in your current relationship status. For example, a new opportunity arises at work and it could offer you a new and better life. It would seem like the obvious road to take, right? But being that the job would see you significantly relocate, what impact will it have on your relationship? Ultimately, do you think about your partner and yourself as a unit or being separate? Big decisions that change your lifestyle cannot be made in isolation of your partner.
2. I Don't Drink But...
I don't expect my partner to be a tea total just because I don't drink and though it would be preferable, it's not a deal breaker. So why is this even a factor? Because for some people, alcohol is a superpower serum that allows their true character to come out. I am not looking for someone who is wearing a mask and one so tight, that in order to pull it off and show me the real them, they have to consume alcohol or any other drug.
3. No Smoking Allowed
Whether it be a cigar, cigarette or weed, they are all deal breakers- I can't stand them and so I don't tolerate them.
4. Must Be Interested In Science Fiction Or Fantasy
It might seem like an oddball request. But in spending a lot of time interacting with these genres for entertainment, you will find that fans of these particular genres, show an open imagination in life, a willingness to explore the unknown and a sense of fun through fantasy. All these things inspire other parts of your life creatively and I want a partner than can bring creativity and reinvention to our relationship.
5. Balancing The Force
We can place too much emphasis on things that are not important. This is not to say that you cannot be heavily into some said thing and not maintain the rest of your life well. But if this thing you're into, outweighs the more practical endeavours in everyday life, then to me there is an imbalance. For example. Let's say you were into nail fashion and everything that surrounds it. For me it makes no sense that you will put time and resources into this, yet you can't cook a single meal or are willing to learn how to. If your nails don't get done or end up in the worst state, your world won't end. But if you skip enough meals, you're going to become ill.
6. Know The Man Your With
If there is one thing I do know about myself, it is that my personality is consistent. I will always be the person that I really am in public and private. I won't necessarily display every emotion I am going through, but I won't fake a version of myself for anybody. In saying all this, I expect my partner to be the same and to cultivate a rapport with me, understanding who I am on all my levels. Communication is one thing, honest communication is another. It is noteworthy to remember that our responses are often a reflection of how we are being treated, so before you say "O, I thought he was a really lovely guy, but he turned out to be a barbarian", check yourself to see if you did anything to inspire the change.
7. Abandon All Sith Practices
Manipulation; to twist, to bend, to alter from a set course, is one of the most destructive forces in the world. To come openly and forthrightly to induce a change - for better or worse is different, I can appreciate that honesty, if the person is not being rude. But true manipulation operates in the shadows. It is the unseen agenda in which you try to attain something by an insidious manner, without the care of what it will do to the other person. There are relationships based entirely on this method of being, driven by narcissistic desire. This does not set the tone for joy and happiness. Gardens don't tend to grow in the desert and planting seeds in a barren landscape of your making is an epic waste of time.
8. Free Spirited
There is a general misunderstanding of what being a free spirit is. People tend to think it means that you can simply go where you want, do what you want, when you want, at the expense of other people. That is what I call being selfish. If we all did that there would be a lot more skirmishes, a rise in the criminal population and we might be ushering a new war every 2 weeks. No, a free spirit, is someone who operates out of liberation - liberation from their own barriers. They know themselves, they have overcome their biggest opponent - them! You'll recognise these people as they are usually crazy, light, avant-garde, weird, bizarre, free, loose and happy even during life's storms. The importance of this personality is that you will always truly see the person in front of you. There is no pretence or a contrived way of being, there is just the baring of their truth 24/7.
9. Fluidity ∞ Synchronicity
What happens when an immovable object, meets an unstoppable force? The answer is hell. Whichever of the 2 'characters' you are, understand that all living things are subject to change. A relationship must grow, develop and reconstitute its parameters or it will die. Fluidity & Synchronicity I think are near opposites to the alternative.
10. Have Value For Air, Energy, Food, Water, The Earth, Sex, Themselves.
I'm no eco-warrior, but I try to value all the things that sustain me and my environment. Art, creativity and positive cultural experiences are what I try to sew and grow in. I want someone who's natural instinct is to be positive and promote that through their being. Someone who is solution orientated and not afraid to stand up to oppression and tyranny, even if it's in the simplest of ways. I want someone who will prioritise being happy and knows that it doesn't come from materialistic gain or public acclaim.
If there is one thing I do know about myself, it is that my personality is consistent. I will always be the person that I really am in public and private. I won't necessarily display every emotion I am going through, but I won't fake a version of myself for anybody. In saying all this, I expect my partner to be the same and to cultivate a rapport with me, understanding who I am on all my levels. Communication is one thing, honest communication is another. It is noteworthy to remember that our responses are often a reflection of how we are being treated, so before you say "O, I thought he was a really lovely guy, but he turned out to be a barbarian", check yourself to see if you did anything to inspire the change.
7. Abandon All Sith Practices
Manipulation; to twist, to bend, to alter from a set course, is one of the most destructive forces in the world. To come openly and forthrightly to induce a change - for better or worse is different, I can appreciate that honesty, if the person is not being rude. But true manipulation operates in the shadows. It is the unseen agenda in which you try to attain something by an insidious manner, without the care of what it will do to the other person. There are relationships based entirely on this method of being, driven by narcissistic desire. This does not set the tone for joy and happiness. Gardens don't tend to grow in the desert and planting seeds in a barren landscape of your making is an epic waste of time.
8. Free Spirited
There is a general misunderstanding of what being a free spirit is. People tend to think it means that you can simply go where you want, do what you want, when you want, at the expense of other people. That is what I call being selfish. If we all did that there would be a lot more skirmishes, a rise in the criminal population and we might be ushering a new war every 2 weeks. No, a free spirit, is someone who operates out of liberation - liberation from their own barriers. They know themselves, they have overcome their biggest opponent - them! You'll recognise these people as they are usually crazy, light, avant-garde, weird, bizarre, free, loose and happy even during life's storms. The importance of this personality is that you will always truly see the person in front of you. There is no pretence or a contrived way of being, there is just the baring of their truth 24/7.
9. Fluidity ∞ Synchronicity
What happens when an immovable object, meets an unstoppable force? The answer is hell. Whichever of the 2 'characters' you are, understand that all living things are subject to change. A relationship must grow, develop and reconstitute its parameters or it will die. Fluidity & Synchronicity I think are near opposites to the alternative.
10. Have Value For Air, Energy, Food, Water, The Earth, Sex, Themselves.
I'm no eco-warrior, but I try to value all the things that sustain me and my environment. Art, creativity and positive cultural experiences are what I try to sew and grow in. I want someone who's natural instinct is to be positive and promote that through their being. Someone who is solution orientated and not afraid to stand up to oppression and tyranny, even if it's in the simplest of ways. I want someone who will prioritise being happy and knows that it doesn't come from materialistic gain or public acclaim.
AUTOMATIC PILOT
These Are The Things That Factor In Naturally
They Shouldn't Actually Be Discussion Points
These Are The Things That Factor In Naturally
They Shouldn't Actually Be Discussion Points
1. Be Physically Attractive
2. Have A Complementary Personality
3. Have A Complementary Ideology
2. Have A Complementary Personality
3. Have A Complementary Ideology
THE TRICK TRAITS
These Are The Things Held Up In High
Regard But Need To Be Looked At Closer...
These Are The Things Held Up In High
Regard But Need To Be Looked At Closer...
Case Study: Ambition
Not being ambitious, does not make you lazy. There are levels to ambition and it is up to everyone to pick how far they are willing to go, since it will be them handling what comes their way. For example, imagine being in a company with 10 levels, you have reached the 5th. You love your job, you have enough variety in your work to keep you stimulated and you get paid well. Some would criticise you for not wanting to go to a higher level, where you will have greater power and receive more money. But what are the potential consequences to your relationship if you take on more work?
1. Working longer hours means you're not at home as much or available for social interactions with your partner/kids.
2. You'll be more tired and stressed, so when you are at home, you'll just want to rest.
3. You'll be spending a significant amount of time with co-workers, which builds relationships...all I'm saying here is that a lot of affairs have sprung out of continuous interaction and proximity, not from a desire for adventure or to cheat. How much time does your partner spend with their workmates, in comparison to you?
4. Your health can take a plummet, not necessarily to a serious outcome, but laying on a beach with your partner in Hawaii, is less likely to induce hair loss, ulcers or a heart condition.
5. There are the case studies of life! Research the rich and famous; people who have achieved the heights of fame, power, money, influence in their chosen career. And see how the maintaining of that lifestyle has led many of them to some very dark corners of their existence. The question on forcefully wanting someone to be ambitious is this: is it truly for their benefit or yours.
Not being ambitious, does not make you lazy. There are levels to ambition and it is up to everyone to pick how far they are willing to go, since it will be them handling what comes their way. For example, imagine being in a company with 10 levels, you have reached the 5th. You love your job, you have enough variety in your work to keep you stimulated and you get paid well. Some would criticise you for not wanting to go to a higher level, where you will have greater power and receive more money. But what are the potential consequences to your relationship if you take on more work?
1. Working longer hours means you're not at home as much or available for social interactions with your partner/kids.
2. You'll be more tired and stressed, so when you are at home, you'll just want to rest.
3. You'll be spending a significant amount of time with co-workers, which builds relationships...all I'm saying here is that a lot of affairs have sprung out of continuous interaction and proximity, not from a desire for adventure or to cheat. How much time does your partner spend with their workmates, in comparison to you?
4. Your health can take a plummet, not necessarily to a serious outcome, but laying on a beach with your partner in Hawaii, is less likely to induce hair loss, ulcers or a heart condition.
5. There are the case studies of life! Research the rich and famous; people who have achieved the heights of fame, power, money, influence in their chosen career. And see how the maintaining of that lifestyle has led many of them to some very dark corners of their existence. The question on forcefully wanting someone to be ambitious is this: is it truly for their benefit or yours.
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