TO UNNECESSARY PROBLEMS
Imagine losing a close relative. In the time of mourning when many emotions are bursting to come out, there are obvious ones that should be at the top of the emotional tree. But some men are not equipped to deal with grief in a normal way, because showing weakness and being vulnerable was drilled out of them an eon ago. Therefore, a fragile mind by-passes the normal emotional route and when having to draw from their depleted 'alphabet' they end up exhibiting the wrong emotions. Sadness and sorrow are replaced with anger and violence or other reactions that don't make sense. Anger will feature a lot in the weak-minded, because it gives them a false sense of strength. And fear and shame seem to disappear when in a rage.
One of the most common stories we hear when it comes to toxic masculinity caused by male fragility and then followed by ultimate toxic masculinity, comes of a rejected sexual/romantic advance. How can you in one breath, be professing to a complete stranger on the street, how much you like them, how beautiful you think they are and what you would do for their life. To then in the next breath aggressively start shouting at them, call them every foul name under the sun and in too many cases, spit, grab and seriously assault them. Women have even been run over with vehicles and killed for simply saying 'no'. When we face rejection from anything in life that we want, yes, it is normal to feel a little bit disappointed, but a man with a normal mindstate would move on. In the toxic male, the fragile mindset crumbles and their disappointment is registered as shame and dishonour. How dare you say no to me, I am worthy and I will let you know this! How deluded and warped must your brain be, to actually attack a stranger for refusing your advances.
We all accept that in western civilisation, especially Europe, that it is usually the man that pursues the woman in and and around dating and relationships. Hand on heart, I think most women reading this can attest to not having ever made the first move in these social situations. So we understand that men, normally move towards women. But at what point did men think that it was alright to make intimate, sexually contact with women? The really scary bit, is that too many really think this is the done thing! Whereas on the other side of the spectrum you have men who don't even have the nerve to walk up to a woman and talk to her, because they are too shy or don't think they are worthy. The range of the male psyche is vast and should never be thought of as homogenous, not all men are the same, as a man that bypasses all formality and decency and goes straight into committing a criminal offence, cannot be put in the same category as Shy Steven. Another problematic theme that can stem from this, for Shy Steven's is that these men can be criticized for not being 'man enough' and told to 'man up' and to be confident by men and women. Sometimes there is a reinforcement of bravado and hyper masculinity that shouldn't be encouraged and we should let the quieter, docile man just be. The results in attempted 'manning ups' vary, as some learn to find the right balance in their confidence and expectations - meaning they can approach women respectively and deal with whatever outcome. Whilst others are taught or encouraged by other heathens and the cycle of abuse, seen as charm and confidence continues.
Friends: Peer pressure to conform is a big deal during your school and college years.
Authority Figures: Your coach, your teacher, whomever, has a direct emotional line to how you perform in many areas of your life.
Celebrities: Idolising certain 'heroes' can have you mimicking them, it may sound silly, but if you've lost all sense of yourself, you may model a version of you, based on somebody else.
Born Of Self: It might be a rare occurrence, but it is not hard to believe, that some men receive all the goodness from the world and still turn out bad. Unresolved issues with members from the first 3 in the list can also lead to this behaviour.
Kids who have been a formatted by their parent's teachings, can also impose toxicity on other children, really believing that this is how you are supposed to behave. If the other children don't comply they get bullied. Bullying as a child and bullying as an adult are no different, they include dominance, a desire to win or always be right, a disdain for the 'other' self-reliance, power over others and trophy hunting which grants them status (in their opinion) which in-turn gives them higher self-esteem. Behaviour like this is then learned and passed on, it doesn't just manifest from nowhere, otherwise all men would be exhibiting it and there are plenty of men who don't. Another aspect that I have never seen discussed, is that normal men also have to deal with toxic men too. If you observe group dynamics in the workplace or in a sports team, ugly personalities affect all.
| || |
ALSO BE HURTING YOURSELF