​If you are in your late 30s to early/mid 40s, then I would say that you/we are only the second (and third) generation to move within a dating-relationship matrix that is only about 55 years old. This means we are somewhat still undergoing an on-going, ever-changing experiment with 'new' power dynamics forming and being reshaped all the time. One of the oddities of western societies modern outlook; is that we still continue to draw on bits and pieces from old patriarchal systems (Regency, Victorian, Edwardian) and unsuccessfully combine these old modes with newer ideas from different waves of feminism and intersectional civil rights.

Before we get into the essential list, here are 3 things to consider...

B) Bad Quality Photos; but do I even need to explain? It's either a case of not being able to see you properly through blurred, degraded images or a problem with distancing. Why are you so far away in the shot? Or why are you so close? Why is the photo so busy? This is not Facebook. We want clear identifiable photos to see what you look like, not how wonderful the mountain you are standing next to is. Why are you in the dark or in shadows?! If you are going to have an arty shot, then really think about the context of the app and let the impact hit correctly to sell you and not a holiday destination. There is a reason that passport and modelling photos (see Z cards) require you to have a neutral or clear pose, people need to be able to clearly identify what you really look like. Beyond that, have at least one photo that shows your teeth...

F) ​When You Say You Are Hard-Working, what does that mean in relationship terms? That you are dedicated to work and have less time for romance? That a relationship will always come second - what exactly? I have seen a lot of people write this as if it is some sort of virtue in relation. When you write something down, think about how the reader has to interpret it for the context.

I) I Have X Amount Of Children And They Are My World; unintended translation, "You will always be second in my life". Then again, if we couple that with "I work really hard" maybe, just maybe, a man looking for a serious relationship, doesn't see much space for him to fit in to your filled-up life. It's good to mention that you have children, but a declaration of them being absolutely everything to you kinda serves as a barrier, because if they are everything, then you don't need anybody else. 

If it takes you 12 days to write a perfect profile - so be it! Treat you profile like it could secure you your dream job. Show quality, be positive and and write specific.

MEN: DON'T COMPLAIN ABOUT WHAT YOU ARE REQUIRED TO BE BY YOUR CANDI(DATES)
When it comes to assessing relationships in the modern age, I think some of our biggest fears come under the banners of 'imbalance' and 'unfairness'. We don't want someone to love us for our money or what we can buy them. We don't want to be taken advantage of and we certainly don't want our worth to be determined by how good we are as living banks - well I don't. Despite the fights for equality through feminism and the much improved version - womanism, there still seems to be a tremendous amount of pressure on men in many societies to subscribe to patriarchal constructs and be the providers in the relationship no matter what the economic climate is. I do find it fascinating that some women have a complete disregard and obliviousness to the socio-economic times and will blindly cite; that part of being a real man is that he pay and provide for everything. I for one hate the term 'provider' and as for a 'real man' the definition is meaningless. A real man, is really a man that does everything that is expected of him by whichever woman he is negotiating with at the time and each woman has her own requirements of her partner. 

WOMEN: KNOW THE RELATING DUTIES OF WHAT YOU ASK FOR IN YOUR CANDI(DATES)
When it comes to assessing relationships in the modern age, one should be aware of the socio-economic and political climate in which they live in and ask "Do my expectations in the 21st century even make sense?" There was never a reason in the world to suggest that once women entered the workforce, that they wouldn't go on to be highly accomplished in their respective fields and also earn big salaries. But the delusion that an abundance of men would be out there to match every single one of you in finances and professional status was severely short-sighted. No man in looking for a woman ever cited that his future wife had to be from a certain profession and make a certain amount of money as essential parameters because these elements don't help form successful relationships. Also, back in the age where women didn't work, every single man who was employed, was always going to be 'higher' than you in monetary status which eliminated competition and disputes between the sexes about who paid for anything. In modern day dating, women are trying to apply an old fashioned ethos without considering the new fashioned element; which is that you earn money now. Your competition isn't just other women, but men who earn less than you who will still be eligible to women who either don't care about his salary or earn less. Using his matching pay cheque as a feature to determine worthiness is going to dramatically cull the amount of eligible men for you.

If you are someone who very much subscribes to traditional gender roles, then you have to understand the position you automatically put yourself in when you say "I believe a real man takes care and pays for everything". Historically, the man was the only one working - allowed to work, therefore that placed women where? In the home. Is it fair in modern times with some of these pitiful wages, to have your partner pay for everything, when you also work? Maybe. Maybe he earns enough, great for him and you. But what if he doesn't? Is a man unworthy because he can't pay for everything? Are you willing to lose out on the love of your life for that reason? I often wonder why some women don't think they are supposed to contribute. There are plenty of households that couldn't even begin to survive without 2-4 separate pay packets and I often wonder what this hoarded money is supposed to be for for anyway? Maybe there is a plan to buy a second property using separately saved assets - well in that case good on you, but I would bet in most cases there really isn't a specific reason, other than subscribing to a part of patriarchy that works in your favour. Bizarre to me, I can't figure out why a person wouldn't want to invest and contribute to the setting up of their own life.

When talking about the traditional relationship model, I don't often hear women cite the position they are supposed to play in direct correlation to the one a man is supposed to. And truth be told, I actually think women have forgotten where the ideology that they are espousing comes from. When you have deemed what a real man is and does and he willingly complies, surely he can then insist that you play a real woman in the directly correlating position, that comes from the same exact ideology and format? Which would put you back into the domestic modes of the 1950s and before. You therefore would be in the home doing every domestic chore under the sun and primarily taking care of all the needs of the kids. Don't forget, the format was that a woman would live in her family house, where her father would take care of everything until she got married, then she would go and live in her breadwinner husband's house and take care of the home. Everytime you talk about the traditional man of patriarchy (which by the way also gives him the final say so on everything), remember that his partner would play the role of housewife - THEY CAME TOGETHER and that is what you are subscribing to when you talk about a man's responsibility to pay for everything.

​Now, after all the education you've received and the climbing of ladders in the workplace you've had to go through, are you still willing to enforce these gender roles and play that correlating position? If you are deliberately looking to be served and have your entire existence provided to you by your man, then worry not. As long as you're honest up front, I guarantee you that there are hoards of men out there willing to comply and myself personally would have the greatest respect for your honesty. But don't lie. Don't say you believe that this is a man's role, when in truth you just don't want to take on any of those roles yourself - even though you do asa single person.

All I am ultimately saying is this; get in, where you fit in; find a man of equal or higher status (monetarily too) and have the same values. But the lying has to stop! I am tired of these mish mash ideologies that were not born together, being forcibly made to collide and hold. They are contradictory systems if you want patriarchal privileges but feminist freedoms then just say it. But some of you have ideals that border on being business deals to such a degree, that I would wholeheartedly suggest that you take a look at Victorian style marriages as a good template for what you are really looking for. ​