"It just happened" a truly exercised and tired line in the realm of explaining why cheating occurred. Yet, it still serves to be the most used and useless of excuses. What most minds don't take into account about cheating, is the prologue, that there is a build up to infidelity, where a series of levels of interaction have to happen before cheating becomes an idea and an act in motion. If you can recognise these signs then perhaps you can stop the affair from ever happening.
A man who has been faithfully married for 20 years doesn't just get up one day and think "I think I'll go and sleep with someone else." So why does he want to? Why does it happen? Well the list below is a definitive commentary on 30 reasons to answer those questions. It is here to shed light, it isn't here to condemn men or women for there parts, it is here to be used as a counter measure, so we can all recognise an approaching calamity and arrest it before it becomes a heart-breaking reality.
| THE 30 REASONS 1. The opportunity presented itself...yep...that's it. For some men it's that easy, but more importantly, it tells you about his true state of mind. A man thinking like this should never be in an exclusive relationship. 2. For whatever reason, he has no real allegiance to his partner, therefore he doesn't will himself to withhold from any temptation. 3. Boredom. Ever made a sandwich to eat when you were bored, rather than hungry? Well he's doing this to fill in a missing something. |  |
| 12. Revenge, you did something he really didn't like and now it's payback. Sometimes it's for his knowledge only, but sometimes he wants you to know he is cheating on you because he wants to hurt you. 13. He's just not that into you. You might actually be there to pass the time. 14. You have been together for so long, that he's with you out of habit, rather than desire, he might love you, the love might have gone or maybe he never loved you. |  |
4. His 'partner' is that in title only. Maybe she's never really present and so they seldom move together as a couple. Maybe when she is around, she's focussed on everything but him - so in essence he is isolated and lonely. The affair fills in the gap.
5. He hasn't altered his bachelor mindset and so he continues to act as if he is still single...and not just when it comes to his fidelity how he plans his life, can be devoid of considering himself to be in union with a significant other.
6. His partner won't give him the type of sex he wants, so whether by random opportunity or by deliberate research, he's found that sex-style in another person.
7. He has lustful tendencies and wants to bang as often as possible...yes I said bang, it's carnal, he's not looking to make love, he wants to $%^fu@#$%!! somebody all the time.
8. Similar to 7, he has a high sex drive and his partner can't keep up and satisfy him.
9. He's not over an ex-partner and that's who he is seeing.
10. His child's mother from a previous relationship wants him back. At every chance she attempts to seduce his mind and body with ideas of being in his child's life on a permanent basis. She romanticises the past and acts as his wife when they are together. Ruses such as Dinner just so happening to be on the table as he drops off their kid or semi naked are employed to seduce him. She constantly illustrates the 'almost' family unit, that could exist in a heartbeat if he just said yes. She fuels ideas of better days to come, reminding him of their shared history and having learned from their mistakes. She further entices him with her body and whereas before she had sexual restrictions in their relationship, she now lets him know that he can do all the things he wasn't allowed to do when they were together.
11. There exists no ability, in this man whatsoever, to be a one woman guy. For some men, it is 100% impossible and they should never try it because all they do is leave a trail of broken hearts.
5. He hasn't altered his bachelor mindset and so he continues to act as if he is still single...and not just when it comes to his fidelity how he plans his life, can be devoid of considering himself to be in union with a significant other.
6. His partner won't give him the type of sex he wants, so whether by random opportunity or by deliberate research, he's found that sex-style in another person.
7. He has lustful tendencies and wants to bang as often as possible...yes I said bang, it's carnal, he's not looking to make love, he wants to $%^fu@#$%!! somebody all the time.
8. Similar to 7, he has a high sex drive and his partner can't keep up and satisfy him.
9. He's not over an ex-partner and that's who he is seeing.
10. His child's mother from a previous relationship wants him back. At every chance she attempts to seduce his mind and body with ideas of being in his child's life on a permanent basis. She romanticises the past and acts as his wife when they are together. Ruses such as Dinner just so happening to be on the table as he drops off their kid or semi naked are employed to seduce him. She constantly illustrates the 'almost' family unit, that could exist in a heartbeat if he just said yes. She fuels ideas of better days to come, reminding him of their shared history and having learned from their mistakes. She further entices him with her body and whereas before she had sexual restrictions in their relationship, she now lets him know that he can do all the things he wasn't allowed to do when they were together.
11. There exists no ability, in this man whatsoever, to be a one woman guy. For some men, it is 100% impossible and they should never try it because all they do is leave a trail of broken hearts.
15. He wants an open relationship, but with you as his main squeeze. He has neglected to have this conversation with you and has gone about living this lifestyle regardless.
16. He finds you sexually limited and you're unwilling to do things that make you feel uncomfortable or even hurt you.
17. You're selfish in bed. You always control when you have sex and how you have it. Sex is about your pleasure only and so he's gone to find someone else that will make sex about him or at they very least them.
18. Ego boost, the other woman/women appreciate him in and out of bed.
19. He got an offer of something unique that he's never done before. Th33some, orgy, outside, in public, role play etc.
20. He wants to split-up with you, but doesn't have the balls to tell you, so he wants you to find out he is sexing someone else, so you'll split up with him.
16. He finds you sexually limited and you're unwilling to do things that make you feel uncomfortable or even hurt you.
17. You're selfish in bed. You always control when you have sex and how you have it. Sex is about your pleasure only and so he's gone to find someone else that will make sex about him or at they very least them.
18. Ego boost, the other woman/women appreciate him in and out of bed.
19. He got an offer of something unique that he's never done before. Th33some, orgy, outside, in public, role play etc.
20. He wants to split-up with you, but doesn't have the balls to tell you, so he wants you to find out he is sexing someone else, so you'll split up with him.
21. He has outgrown you and as a consequence met someone else, forming a serious connection. The new person has has a magnetic allure over him, as they are very much on the same wavelength. In having an inferior and fast becoming redundant connection with you, he is pulled into doing what is wrong with her, before making things right with you.
22. Addicted to sex.
23. The enemy of monogamy is 'newness'.
A fresh face, personality and body for the male brain is a turn on.
And I would say that turn on has been one of the biggest nemesis to a man's fidelity.
But I would also say that the best counter-measure to this, is for the partner to reinvent herself from time-to-time.
24. He hasn't or can't achieve the state of 'girl blindness'.
When some guys find a woman they truly like, all other women suddenly stop existing. Yes, they still kinda recognise an attractive lady when you see one, but they don't factor in as anything special. In his own mind, his woman surpasses all others.
25. You cheated on him a while back and now someone has come into his circle that he doesn't want to resist. He now has the chance to play the game of 'you did it to me, so now I'm doing it back' . He may have actually been holding onto this opportunity for the right woman. Some men may use your cheating in the past as an excuse, but it may not be so calculating.
26. He's gay and you're a woman...so he's either with you because you're his social cover or he is self-deluded.
But the man is seeing another man or other men.
27. Commitment issues - if variety is the spice of life, then having just one woman to have sex with for the rest of his life, is like only being able to season his food with salt everyday. No nutmeg, paprika, coriander etc - just salt day in day out.
Also see no.23
28. Dissatisfaction with life a.k.a. the midlife crisis, a.k.a. let me re-live my youth.
Some men have meltdowns at a certain age, it usually occurs when they feel disillusioned with the path they have taken or they feel their mortality approaching - that type of stuff. Out of this realisation, they start doing all sorts of crazy things to retrograde their current position. One such crazy thang is to have sex, but probably with younger women which in itself is significant. It could however be sex with any women willing, but as long as it translates as a way of proving to his own ego that he's still vibrant, relevant, young and full of life, it's a possibility.
29. As a couple for whatever reason you've stopped having sex, he still wants you, but you are closed off to it for that whatever reason. He's now gone off to find physical satisfaction and an expression of love.
30. When he met you, your body was amazing to his eyes. Once you officially had him to call your own, you stopped looking after yourself and what attracted him to you physically has radically changed. Well, he's gone to find that body...on somebody else and you'd be surprised how the person he cheats with, is actually a version of you.
EXTRAS
NUMEROUS PARTNERS VS ONE
If a man is sleeping with a lot of different women you have a better chance of repairing the relationship than if he is sleeping with one woman regularly. Ironically, if he is being faithful to a mistress - to one woman, then that woman could be a replacement of you or some part of you in some way and that is a dangerous situation. You need to find out what she literally means to him. Does he love her or not? Does he still love you? There is a misguided notion that you can only love one person at a time, that is a fantastical romantic notion, love has no limits.
HOW COULD HE? SHE'S UGLIER THAN ME
Some find it noteworthy to mention, when their man cheats on a woman, that is considered less attractive than them - I believe there are 2 reasons this happens.
1) It's just sex, if she seems up for it and she is not repulsive in his eyes, he's good.
2) DANGER! He's made a genuine, bonifide connection and has seen through her external looks to see her inner beauty! If this is the case, Houston we have trouble.
22. Addicted to sex.
23. The enemy of monogamy is 'newness'.
A fresh face, personality and body for the male brain is a turn on.
And I would say that turn on has been one of the biggest nemesis to a man's fidelity.
But I would also say that the best counter-measure to this, is for the partner to reinvent herself from time-to-time.
24. He hasn't or can't achieve the state of 'girl blindness'.
When some guys find a woman they truly like, all other women suddenly stop existing. Yes, they still kinda recognise an attractive lady when you see one, but they don't factor in as anything special. In his own mind, his woman surpasses all others.
25. You cheated on him a while back and now someone has come into his circle that he doesn't want to resist. He now has the chance to play the game of 'you did it to me, so now I'm doing it back' . He may have actually been holding onto this opportunity for the right woman. Some men may use your cheating in the past as an excuse, but it may not be so calculating.
26. He's gay and you're a woman...so he's either with you because you're his social cover or he is self-deluded.
But the man is seeing another man or other men.
27. Commitment issues - if variety is the spice of life, then having just one woman to have sex with for the rest of his life, is like only being able to season his food with salt everyday. No nutmeg, paprika, coriander etc - just salt day in day out.
Also see no.23
28. Dissatisfaction with life a.k.a. the midlife crisis, a.k.a. let me re-live my youth.
Some men have meltdowns at a certain age, it usually occurs when they feel disillusioned with the path they have taken or they feel their mortality approaching - that type of stuff. Out of this realisation, they start doing all sorts of crazy things to retrograde their current position. One such crazy thang is to have sex, but probably with younger women which in itself is significant. It could however be sex with any women willing, but as long as it translates as a way of proving to his own ego that he's still vibrant, relevant, young and full of life, it's a possibility.
29. As a couple for whatever reason you've stopped having sex, he still wants you, but you are closed off to it for that whatever reason. He's now gone off to find physical satisfaction and an expression of love.
30. When he met you, your body was amazing to his eyes. Once you officially had him to call your own, you stopped looking after yourself and what attracted him to you physically has radically changed. Well, he's gone to find that body...on somebody else and you'd be surprised how the person he cheats with, is actually a version of you.
EXTRAS
NUMEROUS PARTNERS VS ONE
If a man is sleeping with a lot of different women you have a better chance of repairing the relationship than if he is sleeping with one woman regularly. Ironically, if he is being faithful to a mistress - to one woman, then that woman could be a replacement of you or some part of you in some way and that is a dangerous situation. You need to find out what she literally means to him. Does he love her or not? Does he still love you? There is a misguided notion that you can only love one person at a time, that is a fantastical romantic notion, love has no limits.
HOW COULD HE? SHE'S UGLIER THAN ME
Some find it noteworthy to mention, when their man cheats on a woman, that is considered less attractive than them - I believe there are 2 reasons this happens.
1) It's just sex, if she seems up for it and she is not repulsive in his eyes, he's good.
2) DANGER! He's made a genuine, bonifide connection and has seen through her external looks to see her inner beauty! If this is the case, Houston we have trouble.
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