We all want to win in matters of love, but through experience, we know that love does not exactly produce the most sensible thinking. Very often, our choices and decisions are already compromised because we are blissfully floating on cloud 9. But to compound our delusion, it doesn't help when we uphold certain types of romantic ideologies, that have no basis in everyday reality and then lead to disappointment. So here are 7 of those stupid notions that need to be banned and binned!
1. That you can only love 1 person at a time...
Absolute Nonsense! You can choose to only love one person at a time, but there is no automatic, biological, physiological or neurological state, that fashions you to bond with just one person. There is no other inter-personal interactivity, in a professional or social capacity in life, where anyone believes or practices this. Yet, when it comes to this one area - our significant other, we spring this lie which is born of insecurity, as if it validates the realness of the love. What I believe people are confusing; are the rules of a monogamous relationship with the spirit of monogamy. Yes, we are to be held accountable for staying within the rules of fidelity - no doubt, but don't confuse that with the actual capacity to 'romantically' love multiple people, just because it makes you feel better.
Absolute Nonsense! You can choose to only love one person at a time, but there is no automatic, biological, physiological or neurological state, that fashions you to bond with just one person. There is no other inter-personal interactivity, in a professional or social capacity in life, where anyone believes or practices this. Yet, when it comes to this one area - our significant other, we spring this lie which is born of insecurity, as if it validates the realness of the love. What I believe people are confusing; are the rules of a monogamous relationship with the spirit of monogamy. Yes, we are to be held accountable for staying within the rules of fidelity - no doubt, but don't confuse that with the actual capacity to 'romantically' love multiple people, just because it makes you feel better.
2. That an expensive engagement ring signifies how much he loves you...
There is a rule...no sorry, there are many rules, because people keep making up more fiction to pile on top of the existing nonsense. So how much money you are supposed to spend on an engagement ring? Is it a month's wage? 3 Months worth of wages? No! Give everything you've got! Now I jest, but what does the financial correlation mean in reality? 'Has every woman, that has been engaged and given an expensive ring, had the perfect marriage? Has divorce been averted because of a ring's price? Has infidelity, lies and all the other negative circumstances that can happen in a marriage been avoided because of an expensive ring - NO! So let us be honest, the ring purchase is about being given and owning expensive jewelry. If you want to know how much a man loves you, look at the way he treats you person to person. Gifts can signify certain considerations, but it is NOT about the £ value. Whilst you're boasting about the new piece of jewelry he has given you to your friends, he's busy giving one of your other friends a gift that should only be for you.
There is a rule...no sorry, there are many rules, because people keep making up more fiction to pile on top of the existing nonsense. So how much money you are supposed to spend on an engagement ring? Is it a month's wage? 3 Months worth of wages? No! Give everything you've got! Now I jest, but what does the financial correlation mean in reality? 'Has every woman, that has been engaged and given an expensive ring, had the perfect marriage? Has divorce been averted because of a ring's price? Has infidelity, lies and all the other negative circumstances that can happen in a marriage been avoided because of an expensive ring - NO! So let us be honest, the ring purchase is about being given and owning expensive jewelry. If you want to know how much a man loves you, look at the way he treats you person to person. Gifts can signify certain considerations, but it is NOT about the £ value. Whilst you're boasting about the new piece of jewelry he has given you to your friends, he's busy giving one of your other friends a gift that should only be for you.
3. That dating has to be a lavish production...
If I've said it once, I've said it at least 7 times - "You can entertain yourself into a relationship that shouldn't be". The purpose of dating is to find out about somebody in a social context. I agree that dating shouldn't be an obvious interview, but ultimately that's what it is. If on your dates, you are constantly doing amazing, entertaining and distracting activities, chances are you're not really finding the time to have meaningful conversations and measure your compatibility. It shouldn't take you 8 dates to find out that the person you are seeing has 4 children, 2 ex-wives, is an ex-convict and use to be a different gender. What pleasure you garner on dates can build over time, as you start to see your separate lives come together.
If I've said it once, I've said it at least 7 times - "You can entertain yourself into a relationship that shouldn't be". The purpose of dating is to find out about somebody in a social context. I agree that dating shouldn't be an obvious interview, but ultimately that's what it is. If on your dates, you are constantly doing amazing, entertaining and distracting activities, chances are you're not really finding the time to have meaningful conversations and measure your compatibility. It shouldn't take you 8 dates to find out that the person you are seeing has 4 children, 2 ex-wives, is an ex-convict and use to be a different gender. What pleasure you garner on dates can build over time, as you start to see your separate lives come together.
Perhaps you shouldn't be flying out a first date, on your personal plane. The lifestyle might impress them more than you do and before you know it, somebody is marrying you for your money. Personally I would advise to start off small, a coffee first, then maybe on date 2, a lunch date. Continue to build the grandness of the date depending on how each following interactions goes.
4. Saving and changing people...
Don't look at your new partner as a project. Yes, it is nice to see how you can help someone, but they are not under your care and authority. Having the idea to change a person's core way of being into something you prefer and believing that they will just do it because they are in love is ridiculous. If they are bad when they met you, your influence may set them off, to seek a more righteous path to be worthy of you. But if they are bad and you can see they have no intention of reforming, the glory of love is not suddenly going to do it.
Don't look at your new partner as a project. Yes, it is nice to see how you can help someone, but they are not under your care and authority. Having the idea to change a person's core way of being into something you prefer and believing that they will just do it because they are in love is ridiculous. If they are bad when they met you, your influence may set them off, to seek a more righteous path to be worthy of you. But if they are bad and you can see they have no intention of reforming, the glory of love is not suddenly going to do it.
5. That your partner could never hurt you...
The closer you are to someone, the easier it is for them to touch you mentally and emotionally. I am not going to mention physical hurt because this should never be a frequent case, genuine accidents do happen, but not every week. In the other cases, opening yourself up to another person leaves you vulnerable to your partner, it's as if they now have a direct line to your heart and nerves and they can say or do insensitive things completely unaware, faster than anyone else. And boy does it hurt when it's this person that cuts you, but it also makes perfect sense, since your bond together is much more entangled and intimate. We should look to minimise the damage with communication after the fact/incident, not 5 months down the line, when an unrelated argument happens. We don't want a repeat of insensitivity, so we should, speak when it happens. Unfortunately, many of us will hold a grudge, thinking that if he/she truly loved me they should just know...
The closer you are to someone, the easier it is for them to touch you mentally and emotionally. I am not going to mention physical hurt because this should never be a frequent case, genuine accidents do happen, but not every week. In the other cases, opening yourself up to another person leaves you vulnerable to your partner, it's as if they now have a direct line to your heart and nerves and they can say or do insensitive things completely unaware, faster than anyone else. And boy does it hurt when it's this person that cuts you, but it also makes perfect sense, since your bond together is much more entangled and intimate. We should look to minimise the damage with communication after the fact/incident, not 5 months down the line, when an unrelated argument happens. We don't want a repeat of insensitivity, so we should, speak when it happens. Unfortunately, many of us will hold a grudge, thinking that if he/she truly loved me they should just know...
6. The perfect package...
Life is dynamic and one's achievements and position are not based on how good we are. If you are not mature enough to split a person's integrity, character etc away from their financial position and career, then I would challenge your emotional intelligence. If you truly want the absolute best of both worlds, already formulated and complete, then prepare yourself for an epic quest. In every willing person, there is room for growth and improvement as a person and in career, but even so, a person's social or professional status is not going to comfort you in your greatest hour of need. Their position at work is not going to mean much to you, if it takes them away from you, especially in a time of crisis. Possessions, status, money and fame don't love or nurture anybody. They never have and they never will because they are all soulless. See the heart of a person and work from there.
Life is dynamic and one's achievements and position are not based on how good we are. If you are not mature enough to split a person's integrity, character etc away from their financial position and career, then I would challenge your emotional intelligence. If you truly want the absolute best of both worlds, already formulated and complete, then prepare yourself for an epic quest. In every willing person, there is room for growth and improvement as a person and in career, but even so, a person's social or professional status is not going to comfort you in your greatest hour of need. Their position at work is not going to mean much to you, if it takes them away from you, especially in a time of crisis. Possessions, status, money and fame don't love or nurture anybody. They never have and they never will because they are all soulless. See the heart of a person and work from there.
7. That a relationship is a service for your life...
This is probably the most abhorrent out of the 7, as this doesn't really have anything to do with the positive side of romance. Mistaken as love, this is simply about your partner existing to fulfil your every whim and desire. People who think like this shouldn't be in relationships, as the don't have the emotional intelligence to navigate another person's feelings. But on a darker note, the person that actually obliges your every wish, may have their own expectations of you and here there is the potential for a destructive power dynamic that shouldn't be encouraged.
This is probably the most abhorrent out of the 7, as this doesn't really have anything to do with the positive side of romance. Mistaken as love, this is simply about your partner existing to fulfil your every whim and desire. People who think like this shouldn't be in relationships, as the don't have the emotional intelligence to navigate another person's feelings. But on a darker note, the person that actually obliges your every wish, may have their own expectations of you and here there is the potential for a destructive power dynamic that shouldn't be encouraged.
FIRST DATES - THE ENTITLED PRINCESS
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