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Dating: Are We Sabotaging Ourselves By Asking For Too Much

7/2/2020

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Driven to have it all, there has arisen a strong desire for individuals to fully and equally win, in the sectors of love, career and life. Emerging as part of our modern-age dating problems, daters are forgetting that a relationship has to actually work in tandem with another person's aspirations too. Overly concerned with getting all the things that we want from a partner, yet still insisting on maintaining a high level of autonomy for our own pursuits, singles are conjuring up ill-thought lists, in order to secure the perfect lifestyle...even if it's at the expense of their partner.
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MEN: DON'T COMPLAIN ABOUT WHAT YOU ARE REQUIRED TO BE BY YOUR CANDI(DATES)
When it comes to assessing relationships in the modern age, I think some of our biggest fears come under the banners of 'imbalance' and 'unfairness'. We don't want someone to love us for our money or what we can buy them. We don't want to be taken advantage of and we certainly don't want our worth to be determined by how good we are as living banks - well I don't. Despite the fights for equality through feminism and the much improved version - womanism, there still seems to be a tremendous amount of pressure on men in many societies to subscribe to patriarchal constructs and be the providers in the relationship no matter what the economic climate is. I do find it fascinating that some women have a complete disregard and obliviousness to the socio-economic times and will blindly cite; that part of being a real man is that he pay and provide for everything. I for one hate the term 'provider' and as for a 'real man' the definition is meaningless. A real man, is really a man that does everything that is expected of him by whichever woman he is negotiating with at the time and each woman has her own requirements of her partner. 
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Personally, I no longer mind what list of requirements a potential partner reels off to me during the entire getting to know you period. Whatever the list of conditions, desires, wants and preferences are and whether it gives me a chance to win or completely excludes me - I no longer mind because these demands are not personal. Does she want a man with multiple worldwide mansions, a fleet of cars, a private jet and the lifestyle that comes with that all or a simple unadventurous man who likes to take nature walks? Either way, the lists we will be subjected to pre-existed before we were on the scene and so however ridiculous or sane it is to us, our temperament should be the same - calm. In matters of love and in order to understand who would make better sense to our lives, we should all be accumulating wisdom from each failure, adding to our personal learning curve. Our latter choices in life would probably surprise our younger, more immature selves and in that retrospect we would probably see that many of our earlier choices started off with the wrong priorities. Most men would have probably put looks, physique and our lustful feelings ahead of everything else, that is until we kept on crashing into that hard wall, you know, the one with "dysfunction" graffitied all over it. Then, in being obsessed with how people operate and live because of our negative superficial experiences, we might then forget to look deeper into their character and see if we were actually compatible as a couple. Fellas! For the sake of saving time, be honest with yourself. Are you really the man she wants? If you aren't or cannot be that person - don't initiate a pretense! If you are disqualified for seemingly not being of a high-enough status, don't worry, or feel belittled or insulted. If you do find yourself to be eligible then the decision is about whether you are willing and genuinely inspired to go forward.
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WOMEN: KNOW THE RELATING DUTIES OF WHAT YOU ASK FOR IN YOUR CANDI(DATES)
When it comes to assessing relationships in the modern age, one should be aware of the socio-economic and political climate in which they live in and ask "Do my expectations in the 21st century even make sense?" There was never a reason in the world to suggest that once women entered the workforce, that they wouldn't go on to be highly accomplished in their respective fields and also earn big salaries. But the delusion that an abundance of men would be out there to match every single one of you in finances and professional status was severely short-sighted. No man in looking for a woman ever cited that his future wife had to be from a certain profession and make a certain amount of money as essential parameters because these elements don't help form successful relationships. Also, back in the age where women didn't work, every single man who was employed, was always going to be 'higher' than you in monetary status which eliminated competition and disputes between the sexes about who paid for anything. In modern day dating, women are trying to apply an old fashioned ethos without considering the new fashioned element; which is that you earn money now. Your competition isn't just other women, but men who earn less than you who will still be eligible to women who either don't care about his salary or earn less. Using his matching pay cheque as a feature to determine worthiness is going to dramatically cull the amount of eligible men for you.

If you are someone who very much subscribes to traditional gender roles, then you have to understand the position you automatically put yourself in when you say "I believe a real man takes care and pays for everything". Historically, the man was the only one working - allowed to work, therefore that placed women where? In the home. Is it fair in modern times with some of these pitiful wages, to have your partner pay for everything, when you also work? Maybe. Maybe he earns enough, great for him and you. But what if he doesn't? Is a man unworthy because he can't pay for everything? Are you willing to lose out on the love of your life for that reason? I often wonder why some women don't think they are supposed to contribute. There are plenty of households that couldn't even begin to survive without 2-4 separate pay packets and I often wonder what this hoarded money is supposed to be for for anyway? Maybe there is a plan to buy a second property using separately saved assets - well in that case good on you, but I would bet in most cases there really isn't a specific reason, other than subscribing to a part of patriarchy that works in your favour. Bizarre to me, I can't figure out why a person wouldn't want to invest and contribute to the setting up of their own life.
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When talking about the traditional relationship model, I don't often hear women cite the position they are supposed to play in direct correlation to the one a man is supposed to. And truth be told, I actually think women have forgotten where the ideology that they are espousing comes from. When you have deemed what a real man is and does and he willingly complies, surely he can then insist that you play a real woman in the directly correlating position, that comes from the same exact ideology and format? Which would put you back into the domestic modes of the 1950s and before. You therefore would be in the home doing every domestic chore under the sun and primarily taking care of all the needs of the kids. Don't forget, the format was that a woman would live in her family house, where her father would take care of everything until she got married, then she would go and live in her breadwinner husband's house and take care of the home. Everytime you talk about the traditional man of patriarchy (which by the way also gives him the final say so on everything), remember that his partner would play the role of housewife - THEY CAME TOGETHER and that is what you are subscribing to when you talk about a man's responsibility to pay for everything.

​Now, after all the education you've received and the climbing of ladders in the workplace you've had to go through, are you still willing to enforce these gender roles and play that correlating position? If you are deliberately looking to be served and have your entire existence provided to you by your man, then worry not. As long as you're honest up front, I guarantee you that there are hoards of men out there willing to comply and myself personally would have the greatest respect for your honesty. But don't lie. Don't say you believe that this is a man's role, when in truth you just don't want to take on any of those roles yourself - even though you do asa single person.

All I am ultimately saying is this; get in, where you fit in; find a man of equal or higher status (monetarily too) and have the same values. But the lying has to stop! I am tired of these mish mash ideologies that were not born together, being forcibly made to collide and hold. They are contradictory systems if you want patriarchal privileges but feminist freedoms then just say it. But some of you have ideals that border on being business deals to such a degree, that I would wholeheartedly suggest that you take a look at 
Victorian style marriages as a good template for what you are really looking for. ​
STOP DATING DOWN (IN AT 3:24)
DATING DOWN - THE STATUS, THE SENSE AND THE SNOBBERY
Even though socio-economic times have changed for women, the old formats from patriarchy are still being clung to like a life preserver in a storm. Women are complaining that they can't find men that equal them in salary and so they are having to date down. Tell me something, when you meet a man that earns more than you, is he dating down? No. Why? Because patriarchy dictates that the man is supposed to be the breadwinner anyway, so him earning more than a woman is apparently how it's supposed to be. The conclusion I have come to is this; people are being inflexible, short-sighted and selfish, to the degree that the systems that were put in place to hold them down are being adored (in part) if it means they can either be mercilessly in charge (MEN), get something for nothing (WOMEN) or forever be served (MEN & WOMEN). We have entered an age of Pic'n'Mix politics, where if it benefits us we will select a little slice here and there from various ideologies, ignoring the rest, even if the full ideology was invented to maintain a status quo through oppression.

The selfishness and lack of understanding is too extreme and the moment that you only focus on what you can get and what you can get away from giving, is the moment that you should consider being in a relationship that is constructed as an arrangement. I understand the practicalities of equal status, I really do, but in part it now makes a lot of what is being pursued outside of a relationship redundant, as in why have a brilliant job that pays well, if the criteria for a worthy man now becomes that he too should have a brilliant job that pays more. Are you going to remain single because you don't want to pay for anything even if you have lots of money? Are you going to prolong your singleness until a man matches or supersedes your salary? With relationship politics that have too many contradictions within them and with the worldwide economic realities getting worse, you'll discover way too late, that the success of a relationship is not based around money.
SUCCESSFUL WOMEN ARE UNHAPPY THAT THEY HAVE TO DATE DOWN
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20:20 Racism - A Blurred Vision

4/2/2020

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In a time where we have the greatest access to information and a multitude of portals that enable us to glimpse into the personal spaces of people around the world, why is it that our understanding of each other is becoming more superficial? Why has empathy and our desire to dismantle injustice been replaced with ignorance, where the most unqualified people speak to applause and enjoy bathing in the pain of others, whilst simultaneously revelling in the indifference. 
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How did we ever reach the point where the tackling of racism has become, boring, troublesome or not worthy of mention when it occurs? Oh I'm sorry, are you tired of hearing about yet another incident? Well try being amongst the affected target group - now that's tiring and often frightening. Then of course comes the disbelief and dismissive rhetoric from the least qualified people to pontificate; "They are just playing the race card. Racism doesn't exist anymore. We live in a post-racial society..." These are probably my top 3 most annoying statements made from people who will never face a day of racism in their life. Thank you for the perspective from within your safe bubble of complete ignorance - now let the actual victims speak. This race card, what exactly does it get people? I imagine it is a protest flair that is fired when things aren't going their way - right? What happens next? Does firing it automatically get you millions of pounds in compensation? Or perhaps an automatic promotion at work? When you find out how this race card has worked in the past, please let me know.
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Actor Laurence Fox “To call me a white privileged male is to be racist,” he claimed."
Good grief - when did conversations about race become so asinine and unsophisticated? How can a white male actor of a privileged background claim that racism doesn't exist, then within the same conversation accuse a non-white person as not only racist, but as being racist towards him! Is this some sort of alternate universe that I have woken up to, with an inverted, inside-out logic that even the highest minds of Vulcan couldn't fathom. Oh how the fruits of a perpetual lack of education in what racism is and how it operates is now having its most bountiful season in ages! Who wants to place a bet on the same circular conversations happening over and over again, never leading to an actionable resolve.

I could explain it, I mean I have done in other articles, but even with the furore that has followed Meghan, The Duchess Of Sussex's relationship with Prince Harry, we have witnessed the severe lack of understanding about why the attacks on her were actually racist. What a monumental waste of a national case study, but let's be truthful; people don't actually care as long as they are not the affected. Meanwhile, as time marches on, "racism" is fast becoming a powerless baby cry of a word, an annoying complaint that doesn't really describe anything or inspire people to act justly. As for the confusion over the term 'white privilege' look at it as a state that can leave you positively neutral or unaffected in all areas of life - the privilege lies in being able to get ahead without moving or at the very least be left alone because you are not denied, challenged or tested due to your race. If everyone around you is discriminated against and therefore disqualified without you having to do a single thing, you constantly gain a beneficial societal pole position.
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But We Live In A Post-Racial Society Right?
It would seem that if overt football style racism (monkey chants and the throwing of bananas) is not employed, too many people are completely oblivious to when racism is occuring. First of all, let us start with the ultimate foundation of all discriminatory acts: classism. Classism is used to rank everybody in society and the closer you are to the ruling class, the more accepted you will be. Classism will use the lens of race, gender, sexuality and all the other categories that we use to define ourselves, as its measuring stick to deem how worthy you are of your position and if you should even be allowed to ascend to a higher one. After Meghan's 'examination' it would seem that the establishment and consequently the people, even those who would be considered beneath her, have found her not to be worthy and so cue the passive-aggressive attacks. 
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Current arguments surrounding racism are missing one essential point; that it is quite easy for an individual to dislike someone or a group and still be on the edge of 'clever enough' to know what to and what not to say. A racist doesn't have to make derogatory statements about race to inflict damage, when they fully know that they would end up being the ones lambasted and publicly destroyed...even by people that agree with them. Therefore, attacks on a person/people can be drawn from a variety of other sources that can still cause insult, ridicule and pain, but the golden rule for self preservation is that you never, ever, ever cite the real issue. In the case of Meghan, Duchess of Sussex, people objected to a foreign / black-enough / different race entering the royal family - that was the real issue and so character assassination became the order of everyday. Attacks on The Duchess have appeared as criticism in how she touched her baby bump, her child rearing skills, her fashion sense, her body etiquette, her choice of flowers for her wedding, her eating of an avocado and many other ludicrously boring things. Each persecutory story was spun in such a way that her character was questioned and tarnished and she became further vilified, which in turn rallied more daggers to the cause. ​
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Fortunately, in all the haste to slander Meghan, media outlets forgot that for every story and criticism written and said about Meghan, there were original duplicate stories said and written about Kate, The Duchess Of Cambridgeshire and the Queen herself. However, for some mysterious reason the stories that pertained to the latter royal figures, were all positive - why? How can the exact same stories have wildly different interpretations? Answer: The Classism Filter liked Kate but didn't like Meghan. Bored Panda Article Exposing Media Bias 
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The new defence system to excuse racism seems to now lie in 'willful intention' did the person causing offence mean to? Well, unfortunately for those who flock to the banner of 'I take no accountability upon myself' your new strategy will eventually lead you to not being able to operate in life - it's just simply a stupid way to live. However I would love to see that same excuse used in a court of law for every crime committed "Your honour I didn't mean to stab my friend 45 times, I didn't know I was doing it". If you stand by that flimsy type of rhetoric, if you propagate racism, especially as casual humour (Danny Baker) and you don't even know that you are in fact being racist, then it simply confirms that racism is so interwoven into our society, that you are actually unaware of its existence all around and IN YOU. 
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Ultimately, we have too many programmed robots who don't even know that they are robots let alone running a programme. They are unconsciously biased and all toxic behaviours surrounding the maintenance of the status quo have been approved and normalised. If I were to fill up a Question Time studio, with an audience of only white people and told them that there was a fully safe but irreversible surgical operation that could turn white people into black and we wanted as many people to take part for a payment of £1,000,000 each. I imagine not one person would sign up because of the unconscious knowledge of discrimination would rise to the conscious forefront and out of pure self-preservation, they would fully acknowledge that black/brown skin colour means something in this particular society and £1,000,000 is not worth the degradation and hassle you would receive for the rest of your life.  
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Some cowards don't openly attack, but they will defend people that they think support their value system, fully in collusion they are the enablers automatically validating the assailant. Those who stand in opposition to this evil need to now realize that these people don't want to change or admit their ignorance because they understand their position of power and want to maintain it. Remember when early day feminists tried to leverage race against gender? How could a black man get the vote but not a white woman. You'd think that in knowing how it feels to be discriminated against, that they would have gladly fought for everyone to be equal. Well, when it comes to ideology Vs policy, we have seen that personal beliefs trump policies that could give people the greatest life they could ever imagine. If a policy offered a 100% fantastic life, but in anyway involved having a particular type of person being above them in a hierarchical society, their inferiority complex and displacement in the food chain would lead them to sabotage attaining real happiness from their perceived one. In short, they would rather lose in real life and win superficially. Imagine having a Bentley car parked in your driveway, it has no engine, but it looks good to the neighbours. People would rather have that, then a functional Mazda that could actually take you places because of the perception of status. With that level of conceit, perhaps now is the time for punishment without discussion or a laying out of what they did wrong. Discourse has been proven to be pointless because you have to actually care about your fellow human beings in the first place to want to make changes. Howabouts from now on, we will tell you why you are out of order and deliver the punishment and then in your free time you can go off and learn what you did wrong because I can no longer be bothered.
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The Semen Saga Revisited

8/12/2019

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On the 24th September 2018, on the website "Human Parts" an article was written, that commented on unwanted pregnancies and who's fault they ALL were. It triggered a lot of people in its viral explosion, causing a wake-up call for some that wanted to stay asleep...

"All unwanted pregnancies are caused by the irresponsible ejaculations of men". Gabrielle Blair
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Admittedly at first, I got annoyed, as everything performed sexually in my opinion has to be done by consent. But then (and it took quite a while) I tried to look at the angle through the eyes of 'ownership' and this is how I surmised Gabrielle's bold statement for my own mind. 
​Men are the factories and businesses that make, courier and distribute the product known as "semen". They own it outright and make all decisions on whom they will 'provide' it to. In fact, apart from the accidental splitting of a condom, semen is totally controlled by 'him' no matter what requests or demands 'she' makes. Ultimately, he has the final say on the distribution of the product. In addition, new business protocols would suggest; that men should go as far as recapturing their semen product once it has been exported and fully dispose of it themselves. This method is advised in a bid to minimise corporate espionage and counter-intelligence, as receivers of the product have been known to keep and store it for later use, without the original owners permission.
We all have a responsibility to take care of ourselves during sex, but women do not control the flow of semen and at best they can only play a part to neutralise it. Men have to start being quite fussy about the entire journey of their semen and look after it in its totality.
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