Principles to put you on the path to inner peace and well-being.
Whether the relationship was kindled from a flaky or much more involved matching, in the meeting of hearts, euphoric love by itself is not enough to stop any bond from caving in. A relationship can't just survive on romance and good times, it must flourish by the strength of its principles and the real reason that love met love in the first place. Ultimately, a relationship must be upheld by the strength of its pillars... A pillar is a tall, vertical column that supports structures. When positioned correctly, a set of pillars can hold up a roof, ceiling or balcony for centuries. However, if made with substandard materials or positioned incorrectly, it is suffice to say, that in a matter of time, any said structure with weak pillars, will collapse. The Pillar Of Companionship ...isn't this just the crux of what being with somebody is about? That you have found another being that you would like to share your personal legend with. This doesn't mean you're to become joined at the hip, and surely achieving synchronicity doesn't have to equal the death of your individuality. But in advance of our 'unions' we must be first vigilant of our frailties and not seek to acquire a 'long term' relationship to; battle loneliness or to give ourselves something to do when not working or to have access to regular sex or just to find someone decent enough to breed with. These are not factors that promote a sustained, long term unity. If anything they are temporary arrangements to get you through your current lull. As individuals go through personal changes, compatibility issues will arise and expose just how out of sync you are with each other. Companionship is a decision born of believing that you want to have a sustained attachment to someone, to the degree that you want them to be around you and share your world. You may fall in love, but a relationship is something you consciously walk into.
The Pillar Of Energy A dynamic, fast moving world will ask much of you and that request will tax your energy. Most people won't falter at their job and will give what is demanded because if they don't they will lose it. But that same concentration and applied vibrancy is often disregarded when it comes to giving energy to your partner. Why? Because we can take them for granted. That strength you exude at work, in just saying hello to your colleagues, cannot be a much stronger than the greeting you give your partner. Do not misunderstand. This is not about volume, it is about intention and genuine connectivity. A giving of energy is not about delivering a physically, powerful aura. It's about connecting on the same bandwidth or even switching theirs (because they might have had a bad day) to yours (or vice versa) and syncing with each other. I give you the best of me, you give me the best of you - it can be very gentle or it can be be monumental, either way, you have to give each other the observance of where you are in the present and promote a will of good energy. In seeing your partner stressed, hurt or just in a bad way, allow your energy to counter their bad vibes with loving alchemy so you can change it. Forget about turning coal into gold, change melancholy into joy. Say hello whilst looking your partner in the eye, rather than bye as you yell it from a distance, walking out the front door...to go to work.
has to be cultivated. So until that time - SPEAK! With your mouth! Ask a question or a series of questions enquire, inquire, be open, express! How else are you going to get to know. It boggles my mind when one half of the relationship will ask the entire world about a particular situation regarding their partner, except the one person that can give them the straightest answer - which is their partner. At some point there has to come a time in your relationship when: (a) You can just ask/tell your partner anything (b) You realise that you can't always ask the advice of others (c) You believe the answer your partner gives you. I know the above isn't always easy to achieve, people are sensitive, people have gotten use to communicating a certain way and the changeover isn't always comfortable. When those methods are employed, you will be guaranteed a lot more understanding and a lot less angst. A side note on the intricacies of talking to each other; the term 'passive aggressive' seems to crop up a lot, in misuse. Somebody trying to tell you something in a subtle manner or through hinting is not being passive aggressive, what they are not being is direct. Sometimes when you know how sensitive your partner is and you don't want to hurt them, you end up going around the houses, taking the scenic route in trying to deliver your message. If you do this badly they will either not know what the hell you are trying to say or not pick up that you are trying to say anything profound in the first place. Whereas telling somebody something, to deliberately hurt them, but in a backhanded way, falls right under the passive aggressive banner, in terms of verbal communication...but you can also be passive aggressive without saying a word. For a brilliant definition of passive aggressive behaviour click Me. VERBAL EXAMPLES Q. Do I look okay in this dress? A. Yeah you look fine, but you could do with losing some weight. So what you really meant was 'No, I don't think you look fine in that dress because I think you're too fat for it'. The non-passive aggressive way would have been: Q. Do I look okay in this dress? A. Babe, you've put on a bit of weight since you last wore it, so it looks a bit too tight. I would wear the (fill in the gap), as you always look smoking hot in that one. He told the truth, but didn't cut her with it and he also gave her an alternative which came with praise. The aggressive way. Q. Do I look okay in this dress? A. Oh my God, you look terrible. How have you gotten so fat! The dress makes you look hideous, you need to lose weight like yesterday. Berate, cut, demean, totally unnecessary. The Inclusion Pillar It is understandable that there will not be an automatic fusion of lifestyle, family and friends, when a couple makes stronger ties. And truthfully, it's good to own a few hobbies/interests that solely belong to you. But consider this, if it is important to you, then it will probably be important to them, because it's important to you. Have you ever been in that situation, where you are being asked/told about your partner and you can't testify to anything that friends/family are saying because you have no knowledge about this aspect of your partner's life? Hey, it really isn't the end of the world from your side, but at the same time, being excluded never makes anyone feel good. Consider how your partner might feel, especially when non-entities seem to be in the know, yet the partner is in the dark. Where is their relevance in your life? Don't tell me let them know!
any available space, become loud, irritated and essentially bring their untamed energy into the house. This is not the way. Look at the environment you just came into. Do you want to propel it further (because it's a pleasant environment) or do you need to quell it because it's negative. Don't come home to piss your partner off, rile up the kids and change the established peace and happiness to doom and gloom. Out of respect, there are certain things that you would never say to your partner face-to-face, behind their back or to someone else about them, the world does not have to know your business. Every couple has some information and private things that should be kept as a secret for 2, forever. Mannerisms that you would normally reserve for an enemy should not be shared with your partner. In saying all of this, I know there is a super-wide dynamic in how couples deal with each other. Upbringing and culture makes people deal with each other differently. But dramarama every five minutes, is not my idea of a functional relationship. Abuse, being taken for granted and neglect don't suggest reverence. I am not in a soap, nor do I want to imitate one. Give love unashamedly, be honoured, show respect or be gone. The Super Pillar Of Acquired Telepathy Through Bonding
This is not as Scanners as it sounds. Very often couples finish each other's words, they have the same thoughts about things and they can even independently, initiate actions that back their partners up from afar. It is not magic or science, it is harmony, you have reached the level where you have established a meta-physical rhythm and you just know things without knowing why. Well, that is not completely true, truth be told you have seen each other's patterns and you have an understanding of each other's likes and dislikes. You have bathed in each others energies time and time again, seen your partners reactions to particular stimuli and now your mind, has built up a dossier of information. You are part of them and they are part of you and combined, your synchronicity has turned into something beyond mere pattern recognition. This is a testament to getting the other 7 pillars correctly in place, so that this 8th one can manifest. |
Having graduated from the Home Page, RC and IK are now embarking on their own blogging adventures to examine the world of social curiosities and romantic anthropology.
Ray Crimson
Love Detective Ishida Khan Life Warrior Archives
May 2021
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